Jim Chapman on Fatherhood, Combination Feeding and Finding Confidence as a New Dad

Jim Chapman on Fatherhood, Combination Feeding and Finding Confidence as a New Dad

Becoming a parent changes almost everything. Your routines change, your relationship changes, your priorities shift and suddenly you are responsible for a tiny person who depends on you completely.

For new dads and birth partners, that transition can feel especially complicated. There is often a strong desire to be involved, supportive and useful, but very little practical guidance about what that role actually looks like.

In a recent episode of the Midwife Pip Podcast, I spoke with content creator, author and dad on Midwife Pip Podcast, about his journey into fatherhood, supporting his wife Sarah through two very different infant feeding experiences and learning to trust himself as a parent.

Our conversation was honest, funny and reassuring. Most importantly, it highlighted that there is no single correct way to feed, parent or support your family. What matters is finding an approach that protects the wellbeing of the baby and the people caring for them.

Becoming a dad is a huge emotional transition

Jim had always wanted to become a father and had spent a lot of time around children before having his own. He also spoke openly about how therapy, his psychology background and his own childhood experiences helped shape the kind of dad he wanted to be.

Even with that preparation, becoming responsible for a newborn brought a new awareness of just how vulnerable babies are. Holding, changing and caring for such a tiny person can make new parents suddenly conscious of their own physical strength and the enormous responsibility they now carry.

For Jim, that responsibility arrived alongside an immediate instinct to protect and care for his children. He also recognised that not every parent feels an instant bond and that this should never be a source of shame. Attachment can be immediate for some people and develop more gradually for others.

There is no single correct emotional response to becoming a parent. It is a major life transition and every parent will experience it differently.

Feeding a baby affects the whole family

Infant feeding is often discussed as though it only involves the baby and the person breastfeeding. In reality, feeding affects the sleep, health, emotional wellbeing and daily life of the entire family.

Jim described two very different feeding journeys with his children. His daughter Margot breastfed well, but exclusive breastfeeding meant that Sarah was responsible for every feed, including throughout the night. As exhaustion grew, they began expressing milk so Jim could take on some of the night feeds.

When expressing could no longer keep pace with Margot’s feeding pattern, they introduced formula alongside breastfeeding. This allowed Sarah to rest and gave Jim the opportunity to be actively involved in feeding and settling his daughter.

For their family, combination feeding was not a failure or a compromise. It was a practical, positive decision that allowed their baby to continue receiving breast milk while also protecting Sarah’s recovery and helping Jim build his own relationship with Margot.

Combination feeding does not have to be all or nothing

One of the most unhelpful ideas surrounding infant feeding is that families must choose one path and follow it perfectly.

Breastfeeding is often treated as something that must be exclusive to be worthwhile. Formula feeding is sometimes discussed as though introducing even one bottle means breastfeeding has failed. This creates enormous and unnecessary pressure.

Combination feeding can offer families flexibility. It may allow a partner to take on a feed, give the breastfeeding parent a protected period of sleep or support a return to work. Some families combination feed from the beginning, while others introduce formula later because their circumstances or their baby’s needs change.

Every amount of breast milk still provides benefit. Using formula does not erase the breastfeeding that has already happened or prevent a family from continuing to breastfeed if that remains right for them.

The most appropriate feeding plan is one that considers the baby’s growth and health alongside the physical and emotional wellbeing of the person feeding them.

Every baby can have a completely different feeding journey

Jim and Sarah planned to approach feeding their second baby in the same way because combination feeding had worked well for their family the first time.

But their son Jesse developed significant reflux and struggled with feeding, sleep and weight gain. The family worked with healthcare professionals and moved onto a specialist formula while exploring whether an allergy or intolerance might be contributing to his symptoms.

This experience was a reminder that what works beautifully for one baby may not be right for another, even within the same family. The parents were the same, their values were the same and their intentions were the same, but their baby’s needs were different.

When a baby is struggling to feed comfortably, the effects can spread through the entire household. Poor feeding can affect sleep and growth, while prolonged crying and exhaustion can place enormous pressure on parents and siblings.

This is why responsive feeding must include responding to the individual baby rather than trying to force every family into the same approach.

Parents deserve support rather than judgement

Few areas of parenting attract as much judgement as infant feeding. Families can feel criticised for breastfeeding, formula feeding, expressing, combination feeding, feeding responsively or trying to establish more structure.

Jim spoke about the weight of advertising and parenting advice that can make families feel as though every decision has life changing consequences. When parents are already tired and vulnerable, messages built around fear can feel particularly overwhelming.

The question should not be whether a feeding decision matches somebody else’s expectations. The question should be whether the baby is safe, growing and receiving appropriate nutrition, and whether the plan is sustainable for the family providing that care.

When I support families, I often encourage them to ask themselves what they would choose if nobody else ever knew. Removing the imagined judgement of family, friends and strangers online can make it easier to identify what is genuinely right for your baby and your household.

Supporting feeding means caring for the mother too

After birth, the focus understandably shifts towards the baby. But the mother is also recovering from pregnancy and birth while experiencing significant hormonal, physical and emotional changes.

A feeding plan that leaves her severely sleep deprived, in pain or feeling mentally overwhelmed may not be sustainable, even when breastfeeding itself is going well.

Partners can make a meaningful difference by protecting opportunities for rest, taking responsibility for practical tasks, learning how feeding works and recognising when additional support is needed.

Support does not always mean giving a bottle. A partner can bring food and water, settle the baby after feeds, manage visitors, wash feeding equipment, support skin to skin contact and help the mother access professional breastfeeding support when challenges arise.

The goal should not be for one parent to carry the entire feeding journey alone. It should be for the family to work together in a way that protects everyone’s wellbeing.

Feeding can help dads feel connected and involved

Many new dads worry that they will not know how to bond with their baby, particularly during the early weeks when so much of the baby’s time is spent feeding.

Jim described how being able to give expressed milk and formula during the night helped strengthen his bond with Margot. It gave him quiet time with his newborn daughter while also allowing Sarah to sleep and recover.

Feeding is only one way for partners to bond, but being actively involved can help dads feel like equal participants rather than observers. Nappy changes, bathing, skin to skin contact, baby wearing, settling and simply spending uninterrupted time together can all create connection.

A father does not need to replicate the mother’s role. He needs the space and confidence to develop his own relationship with the baby.

Parenthood requires flexibility rather than perfection

A theme that ran throughout my conversation with Jim was the importance of working out what is right for the family in front of you.

There is no universal routine, feeding plan or parenting philosophy that will fit every household. Babies have different temperaments, health needs and developmental patterns. Parents have different personalities, working lives, support networks and emotional needs.

Trying to achieve a perfect version of parenting can leave families feeling as though they are constantly falling short. A more helpful aim is to remain curious, flexible and willing to change course when something is no longer working.

Jim described parenthood as something families continually figure out. You meet each challenge, adapt and eventually realise that you have already overcome many situations that once felt impossible.

That does not mean parents should struggle without help. It means you do not need to have every answer before your baby arrives.

Understanding child development can make parenting feel easier

The conversation also explored how understanding child development can change the way parents interpret difficult behaviour.

Young children are not miniature adults. Their brains are still developing and they do not yet have the emotional regulation, impulse control or reasoning skills that we expect from older children and adults.

Behaviour that appears manipulative, defiant or deliberately difficult may actually be a child experimenting, learning or becoming overwhelmed by emotions they cannot yet manage.

Jim spoke about trying not to say no automatically. Instead, he asks himself whether there is a genuine safety or practical reason for the boundary, or whether saying no would simply be easier for him in that moment.

This does not mean children should have no limits. Clear, consistent boundaries help them feel safe. But when parents understand the developmental reasons behind behaviour, they are often able to respond with more patience and less fear that they are doing something wrong.

Parenthood changes your relationship

Having a baby naturally changes the relationship between partners. There is less time together, more responsibility and often significantly less sleep.

Jim described the shift from being two individuals in a relationship to becoming a team with a shared responsibility for somebody they both love deeply. Seeing your partner care for your child can create a new kind of admiration and closeness.

At the same time, it is normal for connection as a couple to become harder during the early years. Practical demands can take priority over dates, rest and meaningful conversations. Acknowledging that pressure can help couples avoid interpreting every difficult season as a sign that something is wrong with the relationship.

The aim is not to preserve the relationship exactly as it existed before children. It is to continue finding ways to communicate, support one another and remain connected as the relationship evolves.

New parents do not need endless advice

One of Jim’s strongest messages was that parents do not need to follow every piece of advice they receive.

Parenting recommendations change over time, and what worked for one family may be completely unsuitable for another. Listening to endless opinions can leave new parents feeling less confident rather than more informed.

Evidence based guidance about safety, health and development matters. But beyond that, parents need space to understand their own baby and find their own rhythm.

As Jim put it, if children are safe, healthy and happy, there is room for families to do things differently.

Final thoughts

Becoming a dad is not about having all the answers. It is about being present, learning alongside your partner and baby, and being willing to adapt as your family’s needs change.

Feeding your baby does not have to become a test of how committed, informed or selfless you are. Breastfeeding, expressing, formula feeding and combination feeding can all form part of a loving and responsive feeding journey.

The best decision is not the one that receives the most approval from other people. It is the decision that supports your baby’s health while protecting the wellbeing of the family caring for them.

If you would like to hear the full conversation, listen to my episode with Jim Chapman on the Midwife Pip Podcast, where we explore the realities of fatherhood, combination feeding, newborn life, relationships after having children and why every new dad should treasure the journey rather than pressure himself to get everything right.